I Blinked…

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I can remember it as vividly as if it just happened yesterday. My wife woke me from a deep sleep and told me she was having contractions and that I should probably go take a shower, she thought it was time to go to the hospital. She seemed pretty calm and led me to believe it was not necessarily urgent, but it was time to get around to head that way.

Ali and Skip, Christmas 2015

Ali and Skip, Christmas 2015

While I was in the shower, she said “Don’t piddle in there, I think we need to get moving.”  Suddenly things seemed much more urgent, especially since we lived about 30 minutes from the hospital. We got in the car, met my in-laws at the hospital where they took our son Alex, and headed in. Barely 30 minutes later, as the songs “Gone and Done It” by Shania Twain and “The River” by Garth Brooks played, Alison Marie completed our family. Literally, it feels like I blinked and the time has flown as my baby girl turns 18 Friday.

Alex and Ali Puerto Vallarta, Mexico 2014

Alex and Ali Puerto Vallarta, Mexico 2014

I haven’t blogged for nearly 2 years, but I felt this occasion deserved a post- and so much more. As a daughter, Ali has been such a gift from God. She is smart, funny, talented, wise beyond her years, and best of all, I think she still likes me most days.  As a parent, we always love our kids and vice versa, but some days I’m not sure we “like’ each other.  I’ve been lucky in that even as we prepare to send her off to college in a few months, we like each other most days. As much as I know she’s ready for the next phase of life, and that her mom and I are, too- when I pause, the memories flood my mind. The memories of taking her to dance (which she hated) and to gymnastics (which she loved). The memories of us laying in bed, laughing…just because the other one was laughing..and then not being able to stop. Her playing with Skip. The sounds of her singing and playing her guitar or keyboard from the other room. The memories at Disney, in Minnesota, in Colorado,in California, and most of all, in Mexico.  She is my kindred spirit when it comes to our love of the beach. One day in Mexico, she told her older brother, “Come on, we are going to go make friends.”  I knew then and there that she was going to be okay in life. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I’m going to miss watching KU basketball or Chiefs games with her.

Ali and me at Chiefs game, 2015

Ali and me at Chiefs game, 2015

As I write this, I need to make sure Ali knows how much I love her and how I can’t imagine our lives without her. When I said she completed our family, that wasn’t just a phrase.  It was so true. She is the moderator when things are tense, the funny comment when people are down, and has such a good caring heart, that I often wonder how she could be from my genes.  It must be her mother’s genes taking over. I know that she is a far better person than I am, and I aspire to be like her many days.

As much as she has it “all together”, I can’t pass up this opportunity to offer advice. I won’t go on and on, but will offer just a few nuggets:

  • Call your Mom after you move out.  A lot. She and your Dad need you more than we will ever admit.
  • Keep your good relationship with your brother.  Someday Mom and I won’t be here.  You two will need each other, even if it requires you to nag him a bit.
  • No matter what happens in life, keep your kind heart and your caring spirit for other people and animals. Being nice is a lost art.  You are good at it. There is a Tim McGraw song called “Humble and Kind”. Stay that way.
  • Don’t regret in life.  Make decisions based upon the best information you have at the time, but don’t regret things in the past.  It’s a wasted emotion. Instead, use it to guide later decisions.
  • Never stay with a man who doesn’t treat you like the most important person in the world. You deserve to be loved by someone who feels that way about you. I hope I’ve modeled that for you with your Mom.
  • Don’t stop singing. Whether as a hobby or something else, your gift is the soundtrack to so many good times in my life. It makes your Dad so happy to hear you singing.

I’ll close by wishing you a happy birthday. I know your life is going to change in so many ways over the next year. I am so excited about what the future holds for you, even as I am a little sad that our time together is drawing to a close. As a good friend once told me, I won’t lose you, our relationship will just evolve into something a little different. And I know that will still be something really good. I just have to be careful to not blink so I don’t miss it. Love you more than you could ever know. Dad.

Our first Mexico trip

Our first Mexico trip

How Did I End Up With a Teenage Daughter?

I’m diverting a little of my normal writing to pause and reflect a bit as a momentous occasion occurs in the life of one of my children.  This Friday, my daughter, Alison, will turn 13.  Truthfully, she’s mature and wise beyond her years-she’s been a teenager in many ways for awhile, and that scares me at times.  I’m not sure where time has gone;  it seems that one day she was this cute little toddler following her brother around the house, having him read books to her, and the next, she was a cell phone-toting guitar player and all-around social butterfly.  Her talent makes dad pretty proud.  Here’s a recent video clip:

Ali- “Rocketeer”

and one of her and her friends singing the national anthem at the Women’s Division II Basketball Semi-finals:

A team anthem

Alison with her new braces

Alison with her new braces

I tried to recall my 13th birthday- that would have been August in 1982.  I was just beginning my 8th grade year.  School might have started that day, it often was a “great” birthday present for me.  I’m sure it was a big day, but I don’t remember any details about that day.  I know I had grown 6 inches between 7th and 8th grade, so I’m sure my knees hurt.  I also was preparing to have surgery on a hernia that the doctor found when I got my sports physical, making me unable to play football in 8th grade.  I served as the team manager that year, so I could still be around the team and throw a football around at practice.  Times have changed- not sure many kids who were used to being one of the best athletes would agree to be a manager now.  I’m sure that Duran Duran, Def Leppard, Van Halen, and Michael Jackson were getting equal play time in my tape recorder.  Saturday Night Live was probably my favorite TV show, that and Friday Night Videos.  Again, I don’t remember the details, just a large “overall feeling” of that time.

Ali being a goofball at Christmas 08

Ali being a goofball at Christmas 08

Lots of things were still ahead of me at that point, just like they are now for Ali.  I think of all the things I hadn’t experienced yet at that point in life:

  • my first serious girlfriend
  • success and failure athletically
  • losing a grandparent
  • my dad losing his job and being in the hospital
  • dating my future wife
  • becoming a father

I know that those happy things in life and those equally difficult ones lie ahead for her.  Part of the hard part of being a parent is knowing when to help her through and knowing when she needs to deal with them on her own.  I’m an admittedly emotional person when it comes to sentimental things.  I know that I’ll cry on her wedding day.  I know that I’ll cry the day she leaves home.  Why wouldn’t I, I cried the day she was born.  Two songs were playing on TV while she was being born: Garth Brooks “The River” and Shania Twain “Love Gets Me Everytime”- the line about “gone and done it”.  Often, Ali makes me think that we’ve “gone and done it” when I get frustrated with her making normal 12 year-old mistakes.  Guess I’ll just have to get used to the teenage ones now 🙂

Me and the kids in the summer of 06

Me and the kids in the summer of 06

Happy birthday, baby girl.  I know you will “sail your vessel til the river runs dry” in a way like none other.  I hope we’ve given you the right life lessons on how to keep it between the shores.  Enjoy this time in life.  It goes by faster than you can imagine.  I hope you are more able to remember the details than your old man.  You probably won’t remember what gifts you get, or maybe even what you did for this birthday, but always remember this “overall feeling” about your 13th birthday; your dad loves you very much.